i did not start this with the intention of creating a music blog, but so far that's what every reference has to do with. either way, since music is such a huge part of my life, i'm sure it will end up being a huge part of this as well.
to begin: the blog title is from a song - "trash you up" by the manikins. the photo at the top is from a nobunny show at the tower this past summer in june of 2008.
i'm here because this is something that i need to do. more specifically: writing is something i have done my whole life long, and it is something i am extremely comfortable with. i first kept a diary somewhere around third grade when my grandma bought matching ones for me and my two cousins, who were about my same age. i kept the diary periodically throughout my childhood, with large gaps in between when i would forget it existed. months or years would go by, until the next time i unlocked the book with the little gold key to give an update about which boy in my class i had a crush on (always kevin v. or mike w.) or what family gossip was juicy enough to note (uncle wayne secretly ran away to west virginia and got married). i also made sure to write about all the interesting things i accomplished during the course of the day (watching "causbee" on tv or eating pizza for dinner).
on january 1, 1997, my cousin beth and i decided we would both start the new year off by keeping nightly journals. 12 years later, and it is still a part of my bedtime ritual. i have a trunk full of spiral notebooks filled with the blood, sweat and tears that made up (most of) my teenage and young adult life. scary sometimes, sure, but also something i'm glad i did and i wish i would have done sooner.
i had an old online diary that i kept through most of my college years. it documented my first serious relationship, my first major heartbreak, the first time i moved out on my own, and all the ups and downs in between. recently i thought about going back there, but i decided it was best to leave it buried and start fresh. i'm not anxious to revisit some of those memories any time soon, and (as always) some of it is just downright embarrassing to look back on. ha.
so there you have it. and here i am. although i update the blog feature on myspace pretty often, a lot of times i feel like i am censoring myself since i never know who might be reading. to be safe, i think you just have to assume that EVERYONE on your friends list is reading it, and that makes me nervous sometimes. the same can be true for anything posted on the internet, but myspace just makes it seem so much more impersonal. at least this way i feel like i have the slightest bit of privacy, if that makes any sense.
i might like to use this new journal to talk about records that came out or shows i went to or bands that slept over. i might want to write about a good book i just finished, or a new recipe i cooked for the first time (since i now have a boy living with me, cooking has become something of a new hobby). i probably will want to talk about the boy that is living with me, because for the first time in my life i feel like a complete human being who didn't know something was missing in the first place. but regardless of what i end up talking about here, it's still going to be me: brutally honest and unashamed about my feelings and thoughts at this point in my life...a place where i will never exactly be again, but hopefully i will be able to look back on with a smile on my face.
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