Monday, April 20, 2009

little green bag

here is a funny story.

we get all of our stuff at work from donations. occasionally, someone will donate something by accident or one of the truck drivers will pick up something they weren't supposed to. so it isn't odd for me to come to work in the morning and have my boss tell me to keep an eye out for something that was an accidental donation that a person wants to get back. for the past week, i've been on the hunt for a "pink bulldog" because some guy mistakenly packed up his kid's toy and the little boy has been going berzerk ever since. when i came in today, my boss told me to be on the lookout for misdonations, including a microwave and some diamond rings. during the day i was unpacking boxes and pricing things when i turned around to find a middle-aged, (and white trash) couple standing behind me.

"we're looking for a george foreman grill that we accidentally donated and the lady we talked to on the phone said it might not have been unloaded from the truck yet."

it really annoys me when customers think they are allowed to just walk into the back room, so the first thing i said to the couple was, "ok, you need to go out there because you aren't allowed back here...and then i'll go find a manager for you to talk to." i pointed out my manager and went back to what i was doing without giving them another thought.

later on, my manager started going through some boxes i hadn't gotten to yet and pulled a microwave off my pile. "here's one of the things..." he said as he set the microwave aside. "and HERE'S the other!" he said as he opened the microwave door. it was a black shopping back, but inside was one of those clear freezer bags -- FILLED with weed. now, i don't know a damn thing about how much weed costs or what makes some pot better than other kinds (or even how to smoke it, for that matter)...but what i do know is that it was A LOT of weed. and therefore, A LOT of money. now it all made sense why those two people busted into our back room, so intent on getting their "george foreman grill" back. i think the story about diamond rings was just a ruse to get us looking for something important for them. although i'm still confused as to why it was a microwave, and whether or not there is still something left to find when i DO get to a george foreman grill...

and even though i don't know the first thing about pot, the irony was not lost on me that this all happened on 4/20. hahaha.

while i'm on the topic of work, here is something interesting that i really have no business talking about but i will proceed to do anyway because i think it's too cool to be left unsaid. there is an old lady who i've worked with for almost all 8 of my years at the company. everyone smiles and teases her about how excited she gets seeing fancy, lacey lingerie and sexy clothing that gets donated. rumors started going around that she used to be a stripper when she was younger, but no one dared ask her the truth. she would let little details about her life slip into conversation (like how she snuck into a fair to see elvis perform when she was too young to get in, or how she used to date someone in louis prima's band), and i could tell she had some sort of exciting secret life back in the day. eventually, she told me it was true about being a stripper -- she used to do burlesque! back in its heyday! how cool is that??? i know i shouldn't be talking about someone else's private life without their permission, but i just think it's the neatest thing. she told me the cities she worked in the burlesque theaters and where she danced at clubs (here in cleveland). she named a bunch of other burlesque performers she met or was friends with, including tempest storm. she told me it was exciting and terrifying at the same time when she has to get naked ("well, you know, not NAKED, but pasties and things!") she was also very secretive about some rich, important mobster boyfriend she had that took care of her until he died. she told me her stage name, which is the cutest thing to imagine calling this sweet old lady that i know today. she also brought me a few pictures to see, including one shot by a professional studio of her standing on a pedestal in a spotlight wearing nothing but a strategically placed feather boa. i'm jealous she isn't MY grandma. i have met her grandkids before, they are a few years younger than me, and i don't think they have any inkling of her past. i just think it's so neat and i'm really lucky to know her. every day i beg her to remember to bring in more pictures to look at. she said she still has lots of scrapbooks and things from her days in burlesque and i bet they are cool as fuck.

one more thing, and that is to say that THE STATE is being released on dvd on july 14th. I WANNA DIP MY BALLS IN IT.

life is still stressful and i have no other choice but to put on some heels, get my hair real big, and go see the mainkins (from sweden) with my best boy tonite. SCORE.

1 comment:

  1. This entire post made me laugh hysterically. Thanks for starting my morning off riiiiiiiight.