little green bag

here is a funny story.

we get all of our stuff at work from donations. occasionally, someone will donate something by accident or one of the truck drivers will pick up something they weren't supposed to. so it isn't odd for me to come to work in the morning and have my boss tell me to keep an eye out for something that was an accidental donation that a person wants to get back. for the past week, i've been on the hunt for a "pink bulldog" because some guy mistakenly packed up his kid's toy and the little boy has been going berzerk ever since. when i came in today, my boss told me to be on the lookout for misdonations, including a microwave and some diamond rings. during the day i was unpacking boxes and pricing things when i turned around to find a middle-aged, (and white trash) couple standing behind me.

"we're looking for a george foreman grill that we accidentally donated and the lady we talked to on the phone said it might not have been unloaded from the truck yet."

it really annoys me when customers think they are allowed to just walk into the back room, so the first thing i said to the couple was, "ok, you need to go out there because you aren't allowed back here...and then i'll go find a manager for you to talk to." i pointed out my manager and went back to what i was doing without giving them another thought.

later on, my manager started going through some boxes i hadn't gotten to yet and pulled a microwave off my pile. "here's one of the things..." he said as he set the microwave aside. "and HERE'S the other!" he said as he opened the microwave door. it was a black shopping back, but inside was one of those clear freezer bags -- FILLED with weed. now, i don't know a damn thing about how much weed costs or what makes some pot better than other kinds (or even how to smoke it, for that matter)...but what i do know is that it was A LOT of weed. and therefore, A LOT of money. now it all made sense why those two people busted into our back room, so intent on getting their "george foreman grill" back. i think the story about diamond rings was just a ruse to get us looking for something important for them. although i'm still confused as to why it was a microwave, and whether or not there is still something left to find when i DO get to a george foreman grill...

and even though i don't know the first thing about pot, the irony was not lost on me that this all happened on 4/20. hahaha.

while i'm on the topic of work, here is something interesting that i really have no business talking about but i will proceed to do anyway because i think it's too cool to be left unsaid. there is an old lady who i've worked with for almost all 8 of my years at the company. everyone smiles and teases her about how excited she gets seeing fancy, lacey lingerie and sexy clothing that gets donated. rumors started going around that she used to be a stripper when she was younger, but no one dared ask her the truth. she would let little details about her life slip into conversation (like how she snuck into a fair to see elvis perform when she was too young to get in, or how she used to date someone in louis prima's band), and i could tell she had some sort of exciting secret life back in the day. eventually, she told me it was true about being a stripper -- she used to do burlesque! back in its heyday! how cool is that??? i know i shouldn't be talking about someone else's private life without their permission, but i just think it's the neatest thing. she told me the cities she worked in the burlesque theaters and where she danced at clubs (here in cleveland). she named a bunch of other burlesque performers she met or was friends with, including tempest storm. she told me it was exciting and terrifying at the same time when she has to get naked ("well, you know, not NAKED, but pasties and things!") she was also very secretive about some rich, important mobster boyfriend she had that took care of her until he died. she told me her stage name, which is the cutest thing to imagine calling this sweet old lady that i know today. she also brought me a few pictures to see, including one shot by a professional studio of her standing on a pedestal in a spotlight wearing nothing but a strategically placed feather boa. i'm jealous she isn't MY grandma. i have met her grandkids before, they are a few years younger than me, and i don't think they have any inkling of her past. i just think it's so neat and i'm really lucky to know her. every day i beg her to remember to bring in more pictures to look at. she said she still has lots of scrapbooks and things from her days in burlesque and i bet they are cool as fuck.

one more thing, and that is to say that THE STATE is being released on dvd on july 14th. I WANNA DIP MY BALLS IN IT.

life is still stressful and i have no other choice but to put on some heels, get my hair real big, and go see the mainkins (from sweden) with my best boy tonite. SCORE.

"does somebody have a lighter? i have a birthday cake in my pocket!" -nobunny

life has been busy and i've been stressed out. i have a lot of different things to talk about but i never seem to have the time! i guess i'll feel a little more organized if i make a list.

1. going way back...a few weekends ago josh and i went to the moondog coronation ball and saw little richard. THERE'S something i never thought would happen! i guess i had too high expectations because i ended up feeling rather let down by the end of the night. it was depressing to see him pushed out in a wheelchair and watch them lift him onto his piano bench (in brilliant color on the huge jumbotron screen, no less). then he yelled at the people who were filming him for the jumbotron because he "wasn't gettin paid to be in no film" and he made them turn the whole screen off! the crowd booed him. after his first song, he said, "you can turn that thing back on now if you want" and that was that. weird-o. he babbled on and on between songs and no one knew what he was talking about so everyone just laughed at him. he kept saying, "SHUDDUP!" which i guess was his thing.





here is a video clip from the show. you can't see shit because we were pretty far away and my camera doesn't zoom in very well. but you can listen to how nuts he is and hear him sing "lucille" (and hear the part where he totally makes fun of ray charles.) he is the white speck sitting at the piano bench.



while we were there, magic 105.7 took a picture of josh and i and they put it up on their website. that's funny.



2. speaking of things i never thought i would be doing...I'M GOING TO SEE THE MUTHAFUCKIN MUMMIES!!! me, beth and greg the bunny are going to NYC this summer to see them. WOW. it hasn't really sunk in yet. we are going to have a pajama party with mags cuz he's letting us crash with him. a pajama party with a dead boy on a trip to see the mummies. CRAZY. sometimes life really is SO GOOD.



3. one night, josh and i went to now that's class so i could see the yum yums. they are a powerpop band from norway who have never played in the united states before. not only was nikki corvette there with her new band, but she sang a few songs with the yum yums (and one of them happened to be "walking out on love" by paul collin's beat). talk about a cool moment.



4. josh and i saw wanda jackson a few days before she got inducted into the rock'n'roll hall of fame. for being around the same age as little richard, she was in WAY better shape. it was my second or third time seeing her and she didn't disappoint. she's so cute, i wish she was my grandma. i was surprised to see paula and alessandro there, and alessandro wanted to know why this was strange to me. i told him it was because he thinks everything is "gay," and i figured this would be one of them. as he eloquently put it: "this is not gay. what's gay is gay. besides, i've been waiting a long time to see that bitch!" imagine that gem with an italian accent.

5. over this past weekend, josh and i went to columbus to see nobunny and the rock and roll adventure kids. it was one of the best shows i've been to in a long time! the rock and roll adventure kids were AWESOME. josh put it best when he described them as something like "a psychotic 60s surf band on speed."





they also acted as nobunny's backing band. usually nobunny will play a tape with his music and sing along, creating some bizarre one man band song and dance routine (without pants). but having a live band back him makes 110% difference and it's an entirely different experience. i have seen him 5 times and this was the most fun yet. there was glitter confetti and sparklers! i sparkled everywhere, including my cleavage. he did "chuck berry holiday" which he has never done before! josh and i sang our hearts out and danced it up and it ruled so so hard. obviously, as you can see:














6. there is a rumor going around that the state is finally going to come out on dvd this summer. i'm not holding my breath because this rumor pops up fairly often...but i can't tell you how great it would be if it finally came true. this is my favorite show EVER EVER EVER and i'm glad so many of the people from the show have gone on to do more hilarious stuff after it ended (reno 911!, wet hot american summer, stella, role models, etc). i am disappointed that some skits will be edited on the dvd because of music license issues -- it just won't be the same! but at least i have my crappy vhs copies of all the original episodes from when they aired on tv back in the 90s. read it with your own eyes.

7. there is also word that a big screen version of stephen king's IT is in the works. i have a great attachment to both this book and the made-for-tv movie that most people are already familiar with. so the thought of this remake makes me nervous more than anything, although i have to admit i am curious to know how they will rework this. here are the significant details that have been released so far:
-will be rated R to include more violence, gore, etc (good)
-novel and 1990 movie version take place in 1958 as children and 19985 as adults. the new one will take place in the 80s as children and present day as adults (I REALLY HATE THIS)
-done by warner brothers (i don't watch enough movies to have an opinion about this)
-the book is over 1,000 pages. the tv movie was three hours long. this one will be standard movie time (will the story even be recognizable? i find it hard to believe...)

here is a short article.

8. life has been stressing me out real bad lately. especially my job, which i can't stand anymore and i think about walking out of every time i am there. thank god i have josh to keep me sane, because he is the only thing getting me out of bed in the mornings. it's almost our 1 year anniversary (in june) and that's so crazy to me...but we are still head over heels in love with each other and we have the most amazing relationship i have ever known. i couldn't ask for anything more.