almost thirty

my birthday is almost here. on valentine's day, i'll be turning 30. i'm feeling rather conflicted about this.


you see that cat's facial expression? that pretty much sums it up

on one hand, i'm not really one of those girls who is worried about wrinkles and gray hair and getting old. it probably helps that i look younger than i actually am (thanks for the good genes, mom!), but whatever the case, i'm not too traumatized by the whole thing.

what i AM having a hard time grasping is the fact that i'm going to be thirty years old and i still have the mentality of my teenage self. i often find myself thinking, "why should i have to do that? i'm just a kid!" when in reality, i have not been a kid for quite some time now. i have a hard time letting go of the past, i've always been that way, and it bothers me to know that not only am i another year away from what my cousin and i always refer to as our "favorite age" (12), i'm another year AND a big milestone birthday away from the good ol' days. i'm not sure why i have such an attachment to the past and i realize how silly it sounds, but i can't help it. i feel like i'm peter pan or that guy who plays the "rusty-o" character on pee-wee's playhouse. i can't seem to grow up. nor do i want to.


rusty-o

so although i'm kind of sad about my birthday (for reasons most normal people don't have to worry about), i'm going to try to just enjoy it and make the best of it. i'll probably have some people over and i'll make josh buy me a cookie cake with a funny name on it and i'll just roll with it. after all, 30 is going to be a big year for me! i'll be getting married to my best friend, we'll be celebrating our 1-year anniversary in our adorable new house together, we'll be taking an awesome trip for our honeymoon, and we'll get to spend lots of time with our friends and family who are all being amazing and looking forward to celebrating with us.

life is good, dirty thirty or not.